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After a one-year hiatus, it is finally back — the New York Yankees Elimination Day Live-Blog, Powered by Vizio.
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(Note: Not really powered by, sponsored by or affiliated with Vizio or any of its parent companies or subsidiaries in any way, shape or form)
Some of you may be familiar with past elimination day live-blogs, but in case you’re not, it’s pretty self-explanatory.
In order to acknowledge, celebrate and commemorate another embarrassing end to a season for a team that spends about twice as much money as 80 percent of the teams in the league, we come here to laugh and revel in the final game of the season. We chuckle at overpaid mercenaries who can’t get the job done. We giggle at a team that, in this case, will not be able to purchase a championship for the 10th time in 11 years. We slap our knees at a team that has spent a quarter of the money taking the Yankees behind the woodshed and beating them like Leonardo DiCaprio when he’s wasting mustard. Look it up.
Clearly you’re thinking about how there’s no guarantee that the Yankees will be eliminated tonight, and this is true. This may be all for naught, much like the escape of Princess Vespa and Lone Star. But that’s the beauty of this — you come here and take it on faith that the Yankees will once again fail despite holding all the cards. If they don’t lose, we come back tomorrow. If they don’t lose tomorrow, we come back for the World Series. If the Yankees win the World Series, we take solace in the fact we don’t root the Yankees and will eventually go to heaven because we didn’t choose to cheer for an evil entity.
So come back for first pitch. Leave comments. Interact. Open a beer. Because I intend for this to be a celebration. We’re going to celebrate and have a good time. Come on, now.
2 p.m. — Maybe you’re wondering why it’s just a one-year hiatus and not two. After all, even though the Yankees missed the playoffs two years ago, it didn’t mean we couldn’t enjoy them being mathematically eliminated in the regular season. What’s the matter with live-blogging a regular season elimination? The matter, Greg RN, is that the Yankees were eliminated on Sept. 23, 2008 when the Red Sox beat the Indians. The Yankees beat the Jays that night. So it wasn’t exactly the same thing as reveling in the playoff failures. So yes, it’s technically a two-year hiatus, but there’s nothing that could’ve been done in the live-blog milieu in 2008. We’ll make up for it tonight.
7:51 – It’s raining in Arlington. There’s a major thunderstorm set to roll through in a couple hours. Prediction: Yankees take a 3-2 lead to the sixth. The rain starts to fall. The Rangers load the bases in the bottom of the sixth with no one out. The rain worsens. Umpires get together and decide to call the game, giving the Yankees the win to force a Game 7.
8:00 – This game isn’t starting on time. In order to fill, let me throw this question out there — how much less annoying has this series been on TBS because A) you aren’t subjected to Joe Buck and Tim McCarver and B) the non-stop, in-your-face promos aren’t for Frank Caliendo or George Lopez, but are instead for Conan O’Brien, who is actually funny? Am I the only one who is noticing this? Not being reminded six times an hour that Frank Caliendo can do an impression of John Madden completely changes my mood while watching these games. And not for nothing, the Conan promos are great. The stripper doing the strings-on-the-hips thing? Genius. I don’t think you can really underestimate how the viewing experience is improved when people aren’t unmercilessly subjected to ads like saved by zero, saved by zero, saved by zero, or Jimmy Football, or Applebee’s shrimp sensations. Anyway, I think the game is starting on time now.
8:10 — One pitch, one out. Delightful.
8:14 – Robinson Cano has a “slump-proof” swing. I guess we’re going to pretend July and September never happened? Good to know.
8:19 – Well, Curtis Granderson was safe by about 5 feet there, but hey, we’re 24 outs away from elimination. Tough break. Cry me a river. Too bad the Yankees couldn’t catch a break. If only a fan could’ve been standing in front of the bag to deflect the throw.
8:21 – Granderson was out. Ah, the beauty of having Angel Hernandez down on the left-field line.
8:25 – Elvis Andrus, Rangers shortstop and leadoff hitter, now has his OBP up to .440 in the postseason. Derek Jeter, Yankees shortstop and leadoff hitter, has a .320 OBP hitter in the postseason. Jeter made $21 million this year. Andrus made $418,000. That’s a lot of money for intangibles.
8:28 – First and third, one out. Nice to see a team finally not run on Brett Gardner. I know he’s tiny, but he’s got a gun. Even Dale Sveum thought guys were running too much on Gardner this season.
8:31 – Rangers 1, Yankees 0. Get excited, people.
8:33 – I don’t know about you, but if you’re really excited about the Yankees losing tonight, you have to be delighted with Phil Hughes. Just the one hit in the inning, but he’s getting so much plate and his curve ball is hanging like a chad in the 2000 election.
8:36 – Man, that $400K shortstop the Rangers have is pretty good.
8:40 – Colby Lewis is kind of doing the same thing, leaving pitches up and right over the plate, but he’s getting away with it. I am delightfully tingly as we are now 21 outs away from elimination.
8:43 – “See the best arms in the game hurling towards history.” Who writes this stuff?
8:45 – David Murphy, hitting .250 in the postseason. Still can’t believe Girardi walked him intentionally.
8:46 – And the Yankees are getting called strikes in the other batter’s box. Start preparing for a Game 7.
8:48 — I don’t get what it’s like to be old, angry or planning retirement, but why does that guy in the Charles Schwab ad hate vineyards so much? Not for nothing, isn’t making your own wine a viable way of making money? I know a couple people who brew their own beer and it’s pretty good. Vineyards? Give me a break. Weird cartoon people bitching about vineyards? Give *ME* a break.
8:53 – We are 18 outs away from elimination. And Colby Lewis is officially dealing.
8:57 — I think if the Rangers get a couple runs this inning, the Yankees are going to have to start warming up their weather manipulating machine. If you’re wondering why the Yankees would have a weather machine, don’t all evil entities have weather machines? It’ll be hailing frogs by the top of the fifth if it’s 3-0 Texas.
8:59 – Only two Rangers in the lineup tonight have a lower OBP than Jeter. Mitch Moreland is not one of those Rangers.
9:04 – By my count, we are now at two mound meetings involving Hughes and Posada. And this one was before an intentional ball that gets to the backstop. Maybe Posada said, “I don’t want to put any pressure on you here but DON’T THROW THE BALL TO THE BACKSTOP OR IT WILL BE BAD!!! No pressure, though.”
9:06 – What a wasted opportunity. The only thing worse than wasted talent is wasted opportunities.
9:12 – Can we stop showing how many records Yankees have in the postseason? Or at least always remember to qualify it by mentioning the extra round and how the Yankees have been buying postseason spots for nearly two decades? I mean, Jesus. Mickey Mantle has 17 home runs ALL IN THE WORLD SERIES! How many times did the Yankees have first-round byes where they could pad their stats? Sorry. I don’t mean first-round byes. I mean matchups with the Minnesota Twins.
9:14 – Ian Kinsler would like you to know we are 15 outs away from elimination.
9:20 – The Rangers just can’t get that knockout hit. Hughes has been on the ropes for about 90 percent of his night. This does not bode well.
9:23 – “Nails painted by Posada so his pitchers can see the signs a little better.” Sure. *THAT’S* why they’re painted.
9:24 – That’s mound meeting No. 3.
9:30 – I think TBS should use “Very Funny” for all its shows and programs. Because unlike episodes of Tyler Perry’s House of Tyler Perry, it would be funny. Picture it. “The MLB postseason on TBS. Very Funny.” I don’t know. I’m filling time during ads here.
9:33 – Gotta love the Colby Lewis logic. He’s moved his family to Japan, so the pressure of pitching an ALCS Game 6 doesn’t matter to him. Really? How are the two related in anyway? Did you have to play softball with the guys from Gung Ho? Did you have to worry about George Wendt running you down because he thought you were a traitor?
9:38 – How on Earth do you miss that call? A ball bouncing off a man’s leg who is 8 inches in front of you? Are you kidding me? Like I said, get ready for a Game 7.
9:43 – One day, there will be a technology that will allow us to wind back video and view it again. Perhaps it will also be able to be shown in some sort of motion that is slower than the original. Then we will be able to look at it again, or “review” the play to see what really happened and correct any mistakes. Ah, someday, my friends. Someday. Sorry for turning this into a sci-fi post for a minute. Let’s get back to the charm and old-timey feel of baseball!
9:53 – And this is why you don’t make Andrus bunt with a runner on first. If Young doesn’t get the runner home, you’re taking the bat out of your best hitter’s hands. Between the umps and Ron Washington, I’m not sure why we just don’t move to Game 7 now.
9:55 – And the Rangers lead 3-1. Start putting plastic over your furniture and TV.
9:57 – The Rangers lead! The champs are on the ropes! How about we look at some beans before we see who the Yankees brought out of the pen!
10:01 – Hey, so what was up with the Nelson Crus home run music? Does TBS have an orchestra on site? It’s 5-1 now, and I think we should all remember Michael Kay said this series was over after Game 1. See ya!
10:09 – People on Twitter and Facebook are going into their defense mode about the Yankees. How other teams fans are all bandwagon fans and Yankees fans are true fans. This is a reminder for why I enjoy this so much.
10:12 – Jeter with another solid AB. As downhill as he’s gone this year, it’s great for us because we get to watch him continue to hit at the top of the lineup despite his skills eroding. It’s going to be a great four years or so as he hangs on selfishly.
10:15 – Folks, we are nine outs away from yet another postseason failure from the New York Yankees. And yes, when you spend like they do, it’s a failure if you’re not winning a World Series once every two years. So 10 failures in 11 years is quite embarrassing. They’ve spent about 50 years worth of money and gotten 1 title.
10:28 – Six more outs. Then probably six weeks or so till the Yankees sign Cliff Lee. Mo money, not really so many problems.
10:47 – Updates fewer and further between. I’m getting texts from friends demanding Girardi be fired. I’m also getting texts from friends who are cracking open celebratory drinks. It’s a beautiful day.
10:58 – Is it wise to use Rivera here? If the Yankees come back and tie it or take the lead that means Rivera will have to pitch two innings and for Game 7, that means Rivera will….LOL Just kidding.
11:03 – Three outs before five runs. That’s not hard, right?
11:04 – Two. More. Outs.
11:08 – A-Rod the final out? It couldn’t be more fitting.
11:09 – Looking! See ya! Oh what a pitch by Feliz!
11:10 – And as is tradition, we celebrate like Jedis. Good night, all.
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