The role of communications in your relationship is critical and yet so many couples find themselves sitting for hours and lost for words. There is no doubt that television is one of the major reasons for this failure to communicate because it encourages the viewer to do nothing and think little. In fact television is a major vehicle for washing our brains of natural functions, one of which is the ability to converse.
Many years ago a far wiser person than I recorded the following statement: ?When entering a relationship the main ingredient you should seek is the ability to speak to each other because the time will come when communication is all that you have left.? These very wise words were penned before the advent of television. Since the introduction of home entertainment the amount that people speak to each other has dwindled proportionately to the hours they watch TV.
It would be foolish to blame the problem solely on television because some people have an innate ability to kill conversation without the help of any outside influence. Here are some examples:
- Everything I say he has a different view; he thinks he?s superior.
- If the conversation isn?t sport he doesn?t hear anything I say.
- All she wants to do is talk about who said what; I?m tired when I get home from work and don?t want to hear mundane gossip.
Do they all sound familiar?
Communications are a special part of all relationships and you can follow this link to an article on relationships.
Let?s take a look at each of those statements and see whether we can inject something that is missing from each of them: Logic.
- There is nothing wrong with having a different view, it certainly isn?t personal and could well be an attempt to open a line of communication. The moment you suggest it is personal or that it hurts you are killing that line of conversation for ever more. Logically you are telling your partner that you?d rather not talk than face an alternative view. This in itself is a big conversation killer because he is not going to discuss anything that may start an argument in future.
- If the conversation isn?t sport he doesn?t hear a thing I say. The answer is simple; tell him you don?t understand sport and feel left out of the conversation. Now the ball is in his court (excuse the sporting euphemism) and he has a decision to make.
- Most men forget that their partner may be at home all day with nobody to talk to while they?re at work and communicating all day long. It is a simple act of courtesy to allow her to chat to you while you unwind. It is an act of love and when she?s said all that she wishes to say don?t waste the chance to raise another topic and keep the words flowing. All relationships are about sharing and just sitting and talking shows that you both still care.
Another good thing to bring into your partnership is to limit the hours that the TV is on during the evening. You?ll each have favourite programs and that is fine, but if you are honest there is a lot that you watch just to avoid communicating with each other. The best thing that comes with your TV is the on/off button, be prepared to switch it off and have something that you do together to replace it.
Playing music is a great alternative to TV because you can talk and listen if you wish.
I can always recall my parents loved to play cards together, a habit that started before the age of television but remained strong enough to compete with television. It wasn?t just the game of cards it was the one on one communication that went with it that made this so enjoyable. It doesn?t have to be cards you could decide to learn to play a musical instrument, go to the local night school once or twice each week and study things together. What about learning to dance together? Maybe learn to cook in a different style, but do it together.
Do you get the picture? Arguing is a result of boredom and drives a wedge between partners. Doing something practical together forces fresh and honest communication on the same wavelength and will drive you even closer.
The first step is to agree that the TV is not the overall driving factor in your relationship because it stops you conversing and starts hacking away at the foundation of your relationship. You must decide what is most important to you and put it into actions. Why not start with no TV at meal times regardless what is on? It?s difficult to sit in silence around a table and one of you will soon start talking.
The saddest breakdown in communications is when it affects your relationship and sometimes sorry is the hardest word to use. At times like this we need to have a routine that can guide us to making up.
Having been married for longer than you get for two murder stretches I know the value of when to step back, take a deep breath, and ask whether this relationship truly means anything to me.
Never forget that communications are the major part of any relationship and, in certain circumstances, are the only thing that will save you in times of dire stress.
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